In
1978 my daughter Hannah was born. Three years later my twin girls Lauren and Nora were born. Their mother is Elise Howell. She is a brilliant musician, teacher and academician.
As a man who spent his early post teenage years protesting the Vietnam War, population growth, the environment, the insidious impact of capitalism, the tyranny of organized religion and the need for world sanity…I longed to have daughters.
Why?
First off, you need to know that I am the oldest of three sons. My mother, Cora Lee Scherer, desperately wanted a daughter but did not get one after three attempts. She was a tough but loving mother. I experienced first hand the meaning of sons. I experienced all of the benefits and tensions of being the first born. I also learned how to sew, cook, clean house–and from my father how to fix anything. From both I learned that decency trumps the “me.” Selfishness was not something they knew about. They also believed that education was the path–even if it meant their son would move away from them. They instilled in me the joy of working hard. That is true parenting.
As a father, the results of this past election has caused me deep pains and anguish. My deepest worry is the impact of electing a misogynist as president. His (I can not write his name again-or I will throw up) hatred and blatant abuse of women is disgusting. His treatment of them as objects makes me want to puke. I had so much hope for the future of our world and women with Hillary’s winning. It was such a blow.
One of my deepest joys is knowing that my daughters are fully formed and self-aware human beings. It also gives me much joy to know they voted for Hillary. Thanks to the love they experienced growing up in Minnesota, they see the world in a holistic way. They are caring people. Lauren is a mother but Nora and Hannah are mothers to the world. They all care about the fragility of the planet and the critical importance of education.
Hannah is a Phd (Stanford) geologist and assistant professor at Virginia Tech Univeristy. Nora is an environmental economist. Lauren is the mother of my grand daughter Olive and an artist (School of the Art Institute of Chicago) and librarian in the College of Architecture at Virginia Tech. I am one proud father.
In my last blog post, I mused on the role of FaceBook and the election. I sent this blog post to my daughters and apologized that my generation had let their generation down. In response, one of my daughters wrote in reply:
thanks for sharing, Dad. I do not want you to think you have failed us. Your generation taught us a way of being and doing. You lead the way for change and for fighting for what is right. I think we are all shocked to see that we haven’t made as much progress as we thought. But we are still moving forward and still looking to you all to help us cope and find resilience when times get tough.
Another daughter wrote:
I second that. While we still have work to do, we’re not starting from zero. Every generation has its fight, and this will be ours.
This is why I am a proud parent of three lovely daughters. I am tearing as I write this. My heart aches for what will happen over the next 4 years–hopefully not beyond. But as I reflect on all the damages that are likely, I think about my daughters and their generation. There is hope. I am grateful for my daughters.
Yay for you! Yay for your daughters! Our adult children are amazing people. Though I still feel we let them down in this election, my 3 beautiful children and their spouses are doing good works, watching out for their children, their communities, and the planet – I trust them to prevail and wish them Godspeed in the work. I’ll continue to work and to support their efforts.
BEAUTIFUL….JUST BEAUTIFUL….I am a father of three daughters as well, and my heart listened to your words as I read them. 2 of daughters are at the U of M and 1 in high school…Jeff, I have been raising them by myself for the last 8 years, and I am proud to see them in the path of becoming model citizens.