At last I find

At last I find in my confusèd soul,
Dark with the dark flame of the cypresses,
The certitude that I cannont be whole,
Consummate, finally achieved, unless

I be consumed and fused in the white heat
Of her sad finite essence, so that none
Shall sever us who are at last complete
Eternally, irrevocably one,

One with the bridles, cloudless, colorless skies
One with the bright purity of fire
Of which we are and for which we must die
A rapturous strange death and be entire,

Like syzygetic stars, superbly bright,
Conjoined in One and in the Infinite!

—Samuel Beckett (the collected poems of samuel beckett, Grove Press, 2012)

Each day that I wake up I look for light in the darkness. Today, January 31st we will see a guilty man acquitted and a country leave an important social-economic-political alliance. Nationalism is on the rise. The world is overpopulated. Mother Earth is straining to cope with the daily assaults of consumerism, exploitation and greed. Somedays the sliver of light is so dim I have to focus intensely just to forget that darkness is always pushing into my world. I cannot and will not succumb to the depths of darkness pushing it’s way into my, and our lives. I used to think I was simply an optimist. I have decided that I am not a true blinded-by-the-light optimist. I am a searcher—searching for reasons to believe that this world will continue albeit in a very different form that I imagined in my optimistic days. Can we mend our broken hearts and political systems?

I am, each day, one day closer to the grave. I don’t mention this out of a sense of morbidity. I know, rationally, that each day is now a gift. Some of us will reach the endgame sooner than later. This ignites an urgency in my search for light. My actions—each and everyone—must be a lever to unlock the bits of light coming for the efforts of those that work hard to preserve our world and its sanity. What can I do?

I am doing what I can, in my own small way, to increase the amount of thread needed to repair the broken hearts of so many—including Mother Earth. Recognizing that if everyone does a small, helpful and repairing action, then there will be a collective energy force that propels everyone to do something. We must draw on our gifts and do what we can. Despair is not an option—since those who despair the most are the very ones who have the gifts to help mend our broken hearts. For this reason, in my waning years, I am focusing on  drawing and painting so that people, who acquire one of my works, donate to the charities that mean the most to their communities. Each painting and drawing that is acquired releases funds to a not-for-profit that is trying to generate the light that shines the path to those that want to stand up and be counted. The charities also are actively mending the fabric of our society every day—despite serious neglect by our government. I am so grateful that I am reaching 70 charitable donations to date.

Keep the faith; do small things; say hello to a stranger; be at peace knowing that your small actions can collectively make big changes. 


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